big, big belly

five days overdue. . .all of the days leading up to the due date i told myself "how can they predict the day you're going to deliver? who cares? he comes when he comes. . ." but oddly enough, as soon as the 26th came and went EVERYTHING changed. all of my easy going attitude flew right out the window and instead there was just anxiety and discomfort. when, when, when. . . the anticipation is draining. having to answer the phone and explain to every caring individual "nope, nothing yet" is reliving disappointment. it's so silly when you pull back and look at the big picture, but there is something about passing that date that makes you feel like you'll be pregnant forever. FOREVER. and each day that passes is the baby getting bigger and bigger and harder to, eh hem, GET OUT.

then there is sadness. i had this lovely natural waterbirth dream labor that also seems to be slipping through my fingers as the time goes by. if he keeps cooking like he is, they'll most likely induce, then all waterbirth bets are off. even my natural hopes are in jeopardy because with this IV medication to induce labor comes some severe contractions, that just may be beyond my pain threshold. of course, there is the disclaimer that "it's different for everyone", but i gravitate towards the worst case scenario. try to prepare myself for something i can't realistically be prepared for.

anyway, i feel HUGE, tired, swollen, and i just seem to get bigger. and i don't think i can blame it entirely on baby because their growth slows quite a bit around this time. it's more because i can only tolerate activity in small doses, and they mostly consist of going to the bathroom, small projects, and eating. eating out of sheer boredom. so that may have a bit more to do with the growth that the wee babe. i would never have imagined how swollen my legs would get. good grief. i laugh when i look at the scale it doesn't even seem real. i am definitely getting to the point where i'm looking forward to being comfortable in my skin again. i've had a great pregnancy. and i know that the next stage brings a whole different level of discomfort, but i think i'm about ready to give birth.

Life Happens

It's now November 13th (yes, the post says October something, but that's when I came up with the title "Life Happens", then got stuck on what to write about and saved it as a draft. Now I think I'm ready to let it flow. . .

Regarding my pregnancy. . .What I don't understand is how this is really supposed to go down? . .I mean, I'm 38 weeks pregnant. . .and this belly, this life in my belly is seriously supposed to exit in a logical manner? I can't believe what has to transpire in my near future. I'm utterly thrilled and completely terrified of the prospect. My midwife keeps telling me to "trust my body". That I need to learn to relax in order to reduce tension, thereby reducing pain. This all makes sense in my head, but I inevitabley work my way back to, "how is this going to fit through that hole?". The nursery is pretty much ready, but I can't say much for the parents. I mean, we're as ready as we'll ever be, I suppose. How does one feel prepared for something like this? When it's yours. We've got a little pool going for when I'm actually going to deliver. No prize has been established, but we'll figure out something. My estimated due date is 11.26, here are the guesses so far:

Me: 12.03, Kent: 11.19, Mom: 11.22, Dad: 11.28, Patricia: 11.24, Joe & Joyce: 11.22. We'll see who's the big winner. . .other than us, of course.

One wonderful thing is that I'm off work! There's been a price to pay in that I'm generally more uncomfortable than not uncomfortable, I have these sporadic episodes of tachycardia where I feel as though I may pass out, swelling everywhere, and I now have a hypoactive thyroid related to pregnancy. None of these have affected the baby, which is great, I'm just pretty exhausted and uncomfortable. All that to say that work was just something that had become increasingly difficult because of how I was feeling, so my midwife was a champ and put me on restrictions. My maternity leave was set to start on Thanksgiving (the week for which I was scheduled a string of five, eight hour day shifts - just crap), so now I'm on restrictions until my leave kicks in. No bed rest, although I seem to do a lot of that anyway. . .

On a sad note my animal house has been reduced by two. My little kitties Kuzco and Squirt have gone to live with a new owner in Stewartville. :-( It has been a tough road, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I was in over my head in the caregiving department (work, home, dog, 3 cats, husband, baby on the way), and needed to change something so that I wasn't a raving lunatic by the time baby arrived. After weeks of trying to find friends, friends of friends, classifieds, humane shelters (listed in increasing desperation) a woman called from my Mayo classified ad and would even consider taking both. Odd part was she called on the very day where I had found some resolve. I woke up after spending many days worrying about what I was going to do, not being able to find a home and all, even my very last choice of surrendering them to a shelter wasn't an option, because all of the humane shelters were full of cats! Anyway, I woke up and said, "You know what? Something will happen. Something will work out. I can't go on stressing about this." And I got the call that evening. She and her husband came a few days later to meet them, and ended up liking and taking both. I was relieved and devastated. I still am sad about it because I miss them, but I needed to do it for myself. And although I feel like a failure as a caregiver, I hope that they are happy in their new environment and get the love and attention that they deserve. Now we're a one dog & one cat animal house, and we're all dizzy with anticipation of the one baby addition.

Incubation

So I just passed my gestational diabetes test. I failed one blood glucose, but not two. Two would mean I'd be officially, but temporarily diabetic. One means. . .I don't know, but according to the nurse it's "not urgent", and my midwife will talk to me about diet at our next appt. Hmmm. . .does this mean NO yellow cake with chocolate frosting? I'm confused. So I've been the model food pyramid and eaten all, well mostly good things for at least a week now. Which ain't bad considering I've wanted to dive into a tub of doughnuts for the most part.

We did get to see another ultrasound last week, which was completely crazy. I mean, you look at it in disbelief. "You can't be serious?!". So from that ultrasound we have the latest picture of our boy, in utero. . .

I mean, what? How is this even possible. Next he'll be flashing a peace sign or something. He's still moving around like crazy, which is a good thing because "it's indicative of fetal well being" - however, my uterus may disagree. Sometimes I wonder if he's not going to bust through like that scene from Alien or something. But I'm encouraged and relieved. Things are going well, the pregnancy has gone very quickly, and as far as anyone can tell, we're having a healthy baby, and that's pretty cool.

Yellow Cake and Chocolate Icing

28 weeks and counting! Things are moving right along and we're getting more and more excited. I have realized in the last week that my sweet-factor has jumped off the scales. I CRAVE sweets. I mean, I've always liked sweets as much as the next guy but never CRAVED them. Like I can't live without them. I ate a Twix bar for the first time in about 14 years yesterday and I cannot tell you the euphoria then ensued. I told Kent that I'd "split" it with him when I bought it in the check out line, and subsequently apologized after the first cookie was down because there was no way he was going to pry that second cookie outta my hand.

On the same Target run I purchased a Better Homes and Gardens with the exclusive topic of Halloween. I'm not usually a big Halloween gal but this year it's all I can think about. I mean I bought BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL EDITION. I think today I figured out why. IT'S ALL PICTURES OF HALLOWEEN SNACKS! Ghoulish Goodies, Spooktacular Cupcakes, Pumpkin Cakes, Skeleton Cookies. . .what the heck has happened to me? Is 20 pounds not enough? I've got three more months to go, I can't be piling on the cake now! I'll be 2 hundo before I know it! Halloween is just a big excuse for me to chow this year. Granted it is the leading event of fall, my favorite season. . .cool air, the smell of dried leaves, football, chili; but I'm pretty sure the leading factor is the SWEETS.

So other than this most recent craving discovery, things are going very well. Ankles are swelling, heartburn is flaring and naps are just a routine part of the day. He moves around like an contortionist acrobat and uses my bladder as a treadmill. My nose has become very attuned to musty odors and I can't stand hearing people chew and smack while eating (probably just envious because they're eating and I'm not) or the taste of powdered eggs (just about the only thing I won't eat right now). But I won't complain. . .I'm ecstatic about having a baby and will take what comes with it. I'm extremely fortunate to have this wonderfully amazing husband who tolerates my irrationally crabby times with grace and welcomes me home with massages and pampering. "Honey, can you bring me ________", "Honey, can you grab _____ while you're up?", "Honey, can you ____________" the list goes on and on. He deserves a yellow cake with chocolate icing. And maybe I'll have slice. . .or two.

Foux Da Fa Fa

Ok, here's the thing. I cannot get enough of this show.
Episode 8 - "Girlfriends" is my new favorite.

Here's a little background from the first episode. . .

On the Lift

Yesterday I drove to work. I try to avoid this on a day shift because there is NO PARKING FOR PEONS. You have to work here for 12 years before you get day time parking privileges, but thanks to my lovely husband, I rarely have to do this because he drops me off.

Anyway, on my 2 mile hike in I passed an auto repair garage, and envied this man standing by one of the open garages. Positioned at the rear fender of the car, he was raising the car up on the lift while taking sips from his steaming cup of coffee. At that moment I realized how much I missed knowing what was going to happen during my work day.

Since I started nursing I have always worked in the float pool. I never know where I'm going to be assigned until I arrive at the staffing office 10 minutes before my shift starts. Which I've always convinced myself has been "fun". Now, I even have a separate shift where all I do is carry a pager all day. I get paged when needed to help get patients to tests, cover a break here and there, help when a floor gets slammed with admits, etc. It's called "resource". I don't know what to expect all day. Again convincing myself it's a nice "change of pace", until yesterday morning. I found myself longing for the days I sat in front of a computer screen, looking at whatever meetings were scheduled, and having a list of what I needed to get done, and knowing all of this the night before. The week before. Even the month before. Very routine, yes, but also there is something reassuring and calming about having a predictable day. That being said, if I went back to that desk job, I'd surely find something to complain about soon after starting. Never fails. I was just caught off guard with that mechanic. I hadn't realized how much I have been talking myself into the idea that working a 8-12hr shift of unpredictable constant change is good for me in my career.

July is Gone Already?

I figure I should at least get one post in for the month of July. My contributions to this "blog" have been ridiculously small considering all of the current events. Baby boy coming, summer shenanigans, Harry Potter - what more could one ask for? But alas, my last post referenced the Bud Light swear jar commercial, ah well. Best intentions.

I'm a little over 1/2 way through the pregnancy. 23 weeks. I can't really complain about anything. I have developed a belly in the last few weeks, but continue to only have minimal symptoms - heartburn is the symptom of the month. Raging, fire-breathing heartburn. But if that's it, I'll do just fine. First no morning sickness, now a little heartburn. I'm afraid this will all catch up to me in the third trimester, but I'm trying to stay in the moment.

It's hard to believe sometimes what's really going on. I mean, right now, there is a little human inside me wiggling around. He moves a lot. Isn't that crazy? And in another few months, he'll be wiggling around in our arms. How does this happen? We have a nursery picked out, but it's empty right now. We completed registries at babies 'r us, target and amazon.com, which was both fun, and completely overwhelming. Talk about too many choices. . .oy. Babies 'r us superstore is like a Super Target with only baby items. We got out our little checklist from Consumer Reports, then proceeded to use their Best Baby Products book to register for the "CR Best Buy" for what felt like 3,000 items.

I would post the pics from our last ultrasound, but I only have two. One of his legs, and one of his, well. . .man tackle. The ultrasound tech was obviously impressed and thought it should be on our fridge. So there it resides.

I guess that's all for now. I'm going to try to post more often, I suppose I can only go up from here!

Swear Jar

i long for swearing in the workplace. . .

Bud Light: Swear Jar

Posted Jun 04, 2007

The swear jar is the best f@#*ing idea I've ever seen!

the mind boggles

could there possibly be more options for general baby care items? i'm trying to work on a budget, just to get an idea of how much money we're going to need for the ol' start up costs, and i'm going to beat my head on the desk. first off, i don't do well with options. one of the reasons why in 'n out burger is one of my favorite eating establishments, the menu consists of: the burger and the cheeseburger. oh and fries. ah simplicity. . .anyway, i'm trying to work the consumer reports route, just to trim down the herd. but with most items, they don't even know what to tell you - ". . .it's basically your preference" - well if i knew what that was, these decisions wouldn't be an issue; however, i happen to be one of the least informed/knowledgeable pregnant females this side of the mississippi. and i do REALLY mean that. when your husband has to tutor you on your own fertility cycle, you know things are bad.

anyway, so far i've narrowed it down to one stroller. which from what i can glean from the lousy description, can also double as a car seat - god help us when we have to figure that one out. that's all i got so far. according to my check list, i only have about 20 more "things" to get.

1st appt. with Midwife

Very uneventful appt. which is just fine with me. They have a fabulous clinic over there, and I am both relieved and excited to have a midwife - they are fully on board with the birth that I want and put me at ease.

She tried to ascultate fetal heart sounds, but we didn't have any luck, so she did a portable sonogram to for reassurance. We saw the heart flutter and we saw it jump around and move. I know this picture isn't the best, but you can make it out. You can see it's little arms and legs too!

Next appt. is in June. :-)

No Longer an Embryo. . .

It's now a FETUS.

For those of you who don't know already, I'm 11 weeks pregnant. . .I can hear the gasps of horror. I know, it's truly unbelievable. . .I have to remind myself occasionally that I'm supposed to provide for someone other than myself in less than nine months. I guess more like seven months? I go from stages of being totally elated to being completely terrified. Which I hear is thankfully normal.


I was extremely thankful that I didn't have loads of nausea and vomiting in the first couple months. I did have nausea, and still do, but nothing like what I assumed I was destined for since my mother had morning/afternoon/night sickness. So far so good. We go for our first appointment with the midwife on Tuesday and I'm once again excited and terrified. I think being a nurse has put me in the position of knowing just enough to be dangerous. I know just how many things can go wrong between now and delivery, and it amazes me that there are as many babies coming out with all of it's parts and pieces as there are. I mean, it's a freakishly alien process. Just crazy.

So, I couldn't NOT blog about this anymore, so this is my first. There really isn't much to describe though. My belly has actually popped a bit, but I believe I had a little head start in that department pre-pregnancy. I can be ravenously hungry, nauseous and bloated all in a matter of three minutes. I'm sad some days, can't stop smiling others. Oh, and I'm basically back in adolescence as far as the acne goes. That's great fun. A little blast from the past. Kent and I will gladly accept all the good vibes that you want to send because we're gonna need it!

Meteor Collision Averted - 80s style

Welcome Baby Wii

Yes, we bought one. They may be entertaining, but they're also heart-healthy!

I can see myself 9 pounds lighter already.

I may be a cat lady, but. . .

at least I'm not her.

I do not like them, Sam I am.

Imagine my surprise to find that I've been essentially feeding my three cats poison. I learned Sunday that there was a recall on some Iams food - which ended up being MY Iams food. The food I've been feeding them since last Thursday. I call the emergency vet (it is after all, Sunday) and I'm told that I should actually NOT wait until Monday to come in, but to bring them in now, for some nice high-priced emergency vet care. So go in, with all three in tow and find out that Squirt is in full-blown acute renal failure, Kuzco and Pacha are also in renal failure, but to a lesser degree. That's what Squirt gets for being a good eater. . .more toxins.

This morning, with three hours of sleep I call to find out their status, they tell me to just come in at 7 because they still need to do another lab draw. I arrive and wait for the results. Squirts kidney numbers are still extremely elevated, and she also has an infection. The urinalysis shows a major hit to her kidneys. She will require 24 hour hospitalization that is only available in the Twin Cities. The other two need to continue IV fluids at my regular vet because the emergency vet clinic closes at 8AM. I tell her that I'm going to take them to Myhrom, in town. She pulls me aside and shows me an article online that states he's been killed in a motor vehicle crash. Honestly, the nicest man I know in Rochester - and such a wonderful vet. I can't even tell you. So the alternative is to take them to a friend's vet in a neighboring town. I drop them there and I'm off to Eden Prairie. Squirt will require 2-3 days of 24 hour hospitalization. Pacha and Kuzco are home now, but Pacha has to go back tomorrow for another day of IV fluids. They'll all be on a renal diet - yes prescription for at least a month, and Squirt may be longer depending on how extensive her damage is.

Basically by the end of this adventure we could've either taken a trip around the world, bought a solid used car just for the fun of it, or put in new flooring on an entire level of our house. Instead we'll have three healthy cats with possibly long-term special diets because of a contamination by a company that supplies meat for 40 feline brands and 50 canine brands, but has "failed to identify any issues with the products in question". Oh and according to them the "number of complaints has been relatively small", they're quoting 10 deaths, which according to the vets I've spoken to today (more than I care to mention), is a complete CROCK. They've had hundreds of deaths, thousands of sick animals, and thousands and thousands of calls. The numbers are sure to rise, because the cats didn't show ANY signs other than some vomit. If I hadn't seen the article I never would've taken them in. Apparently, when they do start acting sick, they're in irreparable kidney failure.

My hope is their is a huge law suit, and I'll be able to get some medical reimbursemnt. So far, the only offer the manufacturer is making is to reimburse you for the food. Gee thanks. Won't matter for us because we'll be eating prescription diet for a while.

My parting words are CHECK YOUR WET FOOD, the earlier you catch this the better. And if you have food that's has a recalled lot number, FREEZE IT in case of a future law suit.

Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on

Is it just me, or did the American Idols completely desecrate "Float On" in their Ford commercial? Ugh, I've got a bad taste in my mouth. I mean, I love Idol, but c'mon can we stick to the sugar pop and lay off the Modest Mouse?

How was your weekend?

An oft-asked question on a Monday morning. My first thought is, as long as I wasn't at work, it could not have been that bad. But I'm noticing that the definition of a "nice weekend" has changed a bit over the years. There used to be some task involved, like trying to clean the house. Do the taxes. Maybe even return something to a store that I've been meaning to do for months. Or even accomplish the aforementioned task AND do something "fun". Go out to eat, shop for something frivolous or go to a movie. For the record, I haven't been to a movie in a theater since. . .Cars - (summer 2006)? I suppose that's not as bad as some, but coming from someone, who saw Star Wars Episode I six times IN THE THEATER (yes, the nerd alert alarm is ringing - I'm ok with that) my movie going days have come to a screeching halt. In fact, what is now a "nice weekend" consists of sitting my butt on the couch and watching loads of TV, sprinkled with a little scrapbooking and assorted surfing on the internet box, and a pinch of semi-depression.

I have admittedly never been a real go-getter socially, but I'm having trouble trying to figure out what I'm doing with my time these days. I recently sent an email to my manager seeing if it would be possible to reduce my hours per pay period. I'm already at 32 hrs/wk, and I want to go down from that? When did I become such a slug? I have some rationale in my head that consists of "Well exceptional patient care is extremely tiring, I need the time to recover physically and mentally. Although there are people that do the same thing and work more hours than me, I wasn't built to manage that many hours of patient care". Sounds good, right? The alternative rationale is I just don't like to work. Now if you read this blog from its inception, you're probably curious as to why someone who can barely handle 32hrs/wk manages to go to New Orleans? The answer is: I have no idea. It is an enigma to me. I loved that trip, loved the work we did, loved the people I met. Maybe it's because it was temporary and I knew that going into it? These are the questions I intend to get to the bottom of. . .or not, maybe I'll just watch the rest of this movie.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

"Turn and face the strain". . .

Ok, although this blog was raised in Louisiana, it's time for a return back to Minnesota. And what better time than in the middle of a blizzard? I can honestly say I've never been in a blizzard before. I believe there was one in Ohio in '78, but I was only 3, so that doesn't count. Just missed the "Halloween Blizzard" of '91 when I came a week after to visit Macalester College. And I still applied early decision - what was I thinking? I've now been in the house for over 24 hours straight, and as much as I was looking forward to laying low this weekend, I am admitedly getting stir-crazy. I kind of envisioned popcorn, movies, hot chocolate. . .but it's been more like "Grumpfest 2007" with three main headliners: me, my husband and my mother. Three groups that probably shouldn't go on tour again. On the bright side, we've got plenty of food, we still have electricity and I've been in my PJs all day. That's not such a bad deal.

Getting back to the whole blog thing. I don't have a direction or theme, I'm just gonna take it as it comes and see what happens. Happy mushing!

Another Reason to Hate the Bears

You CAN'T be serious. . .

. . .and we're back!

Ok, I admittedly spent my first shift back at home "sick". I have no regrets because I was just plain exhausted and didn't feel I'd give the best patient care with my eyes half-cocked. My second shift was when I was back to work. . .but then again, not really. I walked the halls thinking about the people who will so desperately need follow-up care and won't get it any time soon. And the free clinic we left behind that doesn't have a chance of calling all the people they say they are to report abnormal labs. Leaving such a desperate situation and coming back to the WFMC was something I wasn't really able to digest in one shift. Or two shifts. It's so complicated. I feel guilty for having what I have. I feel anger towards people who complain about their care here. I feel horrible about all the people we left behind who had never asked for the situation they find themselves in - but yet want to stay and help their community. I don't even pick the trash up off my property lines, yet a resident down there mows all the lawns on his street just to keep the neighborhood looking somewhat residential, instead of abandoned.

I learned so much from the residents down there, just in the short time I had with each one I met. I learned an equal amount from the people I traveled down there with. These preconceived notions that plague me. . .when am I gonna learn? So many people surprised me with their integrity and leadership, I can't even believe it. I have 38 new friends, my inbox is full of reunion planning emails, and I have a whole new perspective on my daily life, married life and the world. I was warned by our head nurse during the planning meeting before we left that "this will change your life". I believed that the experience would be significant, but not quite life changing. . .yet here I am.